Examine Your Church's Website

| By Scott McClellan | Found in The Web | 18 Comments

Last week, political commentator Glenn Beck advised his audience to visit their church’s website. He told them that they should look for the phrases “social justice” and “economic justice,” and if they found those phrases, they should leave their church. Whether or not you agree with Mr. Beck’s view that “social justice” and “economic justice” are code words for communism, I do think you should examine your church website for a few phrases. In fact, if you find any of the following phrases on your church website, perhaps you should consider finding a new place of worship.

1. “Poisonous Snakes”

Some folks like to express their faith by handling poisonous snakes, but we don’t recommend it. It’s flat-out dangerous, and some people are allergic to the anti-venom. Yikes!

2. “Find us on MySpace”

This one isn’t as dangerous as #1 … I just don’t like MySpace.

3. “When the aliens come for us”

Let the record reflect that this phrase never ends well for those who use it or believe it. I’ll even go out on a limb and say that the aliens are never going to come for us.

4. “Electroshock therapy”

Whether intended for use as church discipline, correcting unruly youngsters, or good old-fashioned fun, always make sure that electroshock therapy should be administered by trained professionals. Not eager amateurs.

5. “Christian alternative to Twitter”

Twitter rocks. There are plenty of Christians who use it well and to the glory of God. No need for an alternative. Just say no to HolyTweet or 70 Plus 7 Characters or whatever they come up with next.

And lastly, please flee your church if you find the following phrase on its website:

6. “Hitler was misunderstood”

This one should go without saying.

Assuming that your church’s website is free from all these phrases, please continue attending regularly!

God bless!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/alysdrake alysdrake

    That was great Scott! Love your sense of humor!

    Blessings!

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/ratterrell ratterrell

    this is great! but i think you should add the phrase "we want to change the world" for church websites that are obviously middle class normal churches that merely think "doing" church in casual clothes is changing the world. that phrase is really a sign of danger.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ScottMcClellan ScottMcClellan

    Thanks, Alys.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ScottMcClellan ScottMcClellan

    I smell a Part 2 …

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dannyjbixby dannyjbixby

    Outstanding

  • http://witter.com/curtishoneycutt Curtis Honeycutt

    (clapping)

  • http://www.AKStafford.blogspot.com Todd

    Hmmmm…. See, we believe that Hitler misunderstood how snake handling works until the aliens used electroshock therapy on him. We explain it all on our MySpace page. I'll tweet the link on our Christian alternative to Twitter site.
    Other than that, great post!

  • http://www.proclaimers.com Owen Morgan

    Great article. Love the illustrations. Bizarrely you’re picture of a cow being abducted by aliens perfectly mirrors some of the branding for our recent series ‘my life is a disaster movie’ which featured cows experiencing all manner of disasters including alien invasion. The picture is almost identical!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ScottMcClellan ScottMcClellan

    Ha!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ScottMcClellan ScottMcClellan

    Wow – what are the odds of that? I hope your cows are OK.

  • Grant Parish

    I visited John Wesley's home in London and he had an electrical stimulation machine there – luckily it didn't catch on with the Methodists in North America.

  • http://twitter.com/scott_hunter_ scott

    *nice*
    I vote for Part 2 – yes.

  • http://www.ubervu.com/conversations/www.collidemagazine.com/blog/index.php/1770/examine-your-churchs-website uberVU – social comments

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by scottmcclellan: RT @CollideMagazine: @glennbeck was right — you should examine your church’s website for scary phrases: http://bit.ly/bfFfI4...

  • http://www.matthewralph.com/?p=114 Examine your church Web site at Matthew Ralph.com

    [...] Check it out HERE. [...]

  • David

    Anytime it says, "Click here to…". or "Here is a message from our pastor…". Or worse yet. "Here is a photo of our pastor".
    How about, "Here is a link to our Zune feed?"

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/ScottMcClellan ScottMcClellan

    Every Zune owner just said, "Oh no he didn't!"

  • http://bridgevisionweb.com/church-tech-links-for-32210/ Church Tech links for 3/22/10

    [...] COLLIDE Magazine: Examine Your Church’s Website In light of a prominent political commentator warning believers of certain phrases on church websites, here are some other phrases to avoid. My favorites are “When the aliens come for us” and “Christian alternative to Twitter”. [...]

  • Bussiahn

    What would Jesus tweet?